My conversations with myself – before God healed me from all the pain in my past – were somewhat unhappy or perhaps neutral at best. The noise – for lack of a better word – running in my head never stopped.
What are your conversations with yourself like?
My conversations with myself about my conversations with others were the absolute worst. The running dialogue went something like this: When I said x she laughed. Was that a good laugh? Was she laughing with me or at me? Did I say the wrong thing? What did she mean by that? I wonder if that person likes me. Maybe I said something wrong.
Nearly every conversation I had with another person with the possible exception of close family went the same. Did you notice that the topic of my conversation was myself? It was nearly always about me.
When people hurt they tend to do just what I did. Many lies drove my pain. Looking back, I sometimes wonder how much of what was going on in my head was my own thoughts and how much was from the enemy.
One of the biggest keys to God’s healing me – aside from salvation – was truth. God had to show me a whole lot of truth about me. I had believed so many lies over the years. I had accepted them as truth without questioning if it was or not. The lies I believed were mostly about me. The big lie that I believed was that there was something wrong with me or that I was in the wrong.
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints; And for me, that utterance may be given unto me, that I may open my mouth boldly, to make known the mystery of the gospel, For which I am an ambassador in bonds: that therein I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.
Did you notice one of the first things it says concerning the whole armour of God – having your loins girt about with truth. If you do not start with the truth, you’ve already lost the war.
Today’s challenge is to be honest with yourself. The noise of accusations will stop when you do that. Try to see yourself as God sees you and not as others see you. Remember, you are who God says you are!
I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.